you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
