The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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