one two three fourrrrnication!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
they need to just BURY HIM!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
