He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
