if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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