i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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