He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
