So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Boobs are out for the taking
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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