people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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