She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
