I can tuck mytits in my pants
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I've blown a few things in my day
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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