Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
