One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
