maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
