I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
