dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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