my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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