if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
