i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
