You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
