dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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