Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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