he puts the penis in happiness.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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