i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
