This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
