Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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