she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
