I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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