Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Of course I have a pirate flag
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
