I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
