Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
