But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
