I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
