If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
