if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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