they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
