I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
