Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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