he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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