I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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