I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
