he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
