If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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