Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
