I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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