You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
