Sry I called you an 8
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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