Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I don't want my vagina anymore.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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