One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
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