She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
